Breaking the causal chain...

Time to get back on the exercise wagon?

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 11:08:02 GMT

After years of slacking since moving here from South Florida, I finally found a local yoga studio I want to check out near our place here in Denver … they’ve got 4 or 5 classes a week that are only $5 each. Need. to. start. going.

See more progress on: Practice Yoga

Almost done with the EP!

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 02:08:24 GMT

Well, I’m finally back with another recording update – hopefully those of you who have been following along are still there and still at least vaguely interested! ;-) I’ll kick this entry off with a bit of advice for those of you following this goal on 43 Things looking for tips from others going through the recording process:

Feel free to set targets for timing, album length, etc. but do not expect to always (if ever) meet them, particularly on your first go ‘round. It is incredibly difficult to extrapolate release timing when you are scheduling sessions here and there over the course of several months or a year, as likely your song selection will evolve, and perhaps even more compelling new material will emerge and threaten to take over other songs that were in the queue … and so now you know a bit of where I’m headed with this entry and its title. ;-)

Okay, so here’s the update:

by end of July, had finished tracking (recording) 4 songs at the amazing studio over the course of about a month (for those interested, probably spent 5 hours per song total – almost 3 each to track and just over 2 to mix, give or take)

got a partial scholarship to WOMAD Summer School to study songwriting and African music with pros and peers in the UK and suddenly off we went … this is relevant to the update for two reasons: 1. gone for almost 3 weeks, b. emerged from said 3 weeks rather broke (thanks, weak dollar!), and iii. emerged from said workshop with new material that, as predicted above, moved in for the kill in terms of song selection for the album

following typical post-travel illness/exhaustion/recovery period, listened back to everything we had recorded, including rough demos, then made more rough demos of Ã¼ber-new stuff and older stuff we had picked out that we re-arranged a little/worked with tempo on, etc.

early September, had a good production meeting with the studio folks, in which it was determined that the best thing to do is get the pre-release EP out there, then move ahead with the album taking our time to flesh out the best of the new stuff and cull the absolute best out of all the stuff I’ve been writing for years and years and years …

added violin and cello to the last song we’d recorded, which was feeling like it still needed something after the piano and vocals were done – collectively got very excited about the result and mixed it

Finally, we arrive at our current status: typing this update as we arrive in the studio parking lot to put final mixing touches on the remaining songs!

So, we’re getting very close to actually having something in-hand that I hope moves you and connects with your life in some way. And it’s looking like the full album will be out sometime in ‘09 – but I don’t wanna make any promises. ;-)

Meanwhile, I released the first two preliminary tracks for download online, you can check them out at www.melissaaxel.com

Thanks as always for listening, much love! :)

See more progress on: Record an album

Success with this goal starts today.

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 23:09:03 GMT

Goals have been given a skim, all “cause-related” goals have been removed in preparation for more specific, current, really-for-me goal-setting. It is a good start to a long, hopefully rewarding process of energy refocusing for me. Input is welcome, bearing in mind that the wise input “get quiet and listen to yourself” supercedes all outside input… but I would still like to hear the gut instincts of those who care and have a sense about me. Much love to everyone who has cheered and commented while I’ve been off 43 things (and LJ), it has not gone unnoticed and is very much appreciated. =)

See more progress on: review my goals weekly

Our cat was front-paw declawed when we adopted her...

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 21:38:43 GMT

and I shudder to think what she went through. But thankfully she seems fine, nips a little when she needs to let you know you’re holding her uncomfortably or sometimes the occasional “love bite” but mostly she is a sweet and super loving licker.

That said, I’m doing a big “goal spring cleaning” (yes, in the fall) and removing all “causes” from the list for now while I determine and focus in on my specific, current to-do list. I am glad to have participated in this goal to make others more aware that declawing is not good.

See more progress on: make people understand that declawing a cat is a painful unnecessary surgery and there are better ways to deal with cat's scratching

We swam our butts off on the honeymoon

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 21:21:44 GMT

so I think I can actually check this one off for now. I would still like to swim regularly, but now that we’re heading into winter I’m not sure how much of a priority I want to make it. I don’t usually enjoy swimming in indoor lap pools, which is pretty much what’s available here at various gyms or recreation centers. So maybe I’ll revisit this after the snow has come and gone. Meanwhile, I think this winter is the time to try tubing and maybe even a couple ski lessons (finally, after living in Colorado a year and a half)!

See more progress on: Swim more

Free Donors Choose certificates today!!!!

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 18:41:37 GMT

LJ's parent company, SixApart, is launching an ambitious effort to help out the wonderful organization DonorsChoose.org. As part of this effort, they are offering $30 DonorsChoose.org gift certificates FOR FREE to everyone who emails them at donorschoose@sixapart.com by 5pm TODAY, Monday, October 1st.

Those of you who are fans of Tomato Nation will recognize that Donors Choose is the same organization that Sars raises all that great money for year after year. You should donate to her fundraising drive, but you shouldalso email Six Apart today for your free $30 gift certificate.

Ya'll, do this now. This is totally free money that you can choose to give to whichever deserving project you see fit. DonorsChoose.org is now serving every single public school in the country, so I'm sure you canf ind a project near your home that could use this 30 bucks. Or maybe you'd like to find the project furthest from your home.

So first things first - send an email to donorschoose@sixapart.com. Tell them you are an LJ user, you think it's awesome that they're doing this, and that you'd like a gift certificate. Do it now! Free money -for you to spend towards any project, at any school, asking for anything.

Secondly, please repost and spread the word about this. The more people that know, the more money that gets to these schools. Thanks!

Lovewell Institute for the Creative Arts Summer Applications Open!

Thu, 24 May 2007 06:06:48 GMT

Hi there,

Hope this finds you doing well! Brief little announcement in hopes of spreading the word...

I just want to let you know that applications are open for the Lovewell Institute for the Creative Arts summer programs, in which teenagers age 13 - 19 work together to create their own original musical theatre production in just 3 weeks - and this year spots are going really fast!

(for those of you wondering, I volunteered at the one in Sweden in 2004)

Anyone interested in music, theatre, writing, visual arts (including video and photography), tech, dance, comedy, directing, songwriting, etc. should definitely apply.

Applications are available at www.lovewell.org for both programs - in Sweden (in Linköping) and in Ft. Lauderdale (at Nova Southeastern University) - as well as for the junior program (age 8 - 12) in conjunction with Camp Nova.

For those who need a little financial assistance, there are scholarships available, so do apply.

Feel free to contact me with any questions you have or contact info [at] lovewell [dot] org =)

This just in from Delayed-reaction Central: 2007 Music Business Predictions

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 09:52:08 GMT

Found the below link of 2007 music business predictions via music writer/editor Aaron Burgess's blog – via finding him through a LinkedIn network (LinkedIn is career connection city, just got into it pretty heavily after receiving yet another invite)...

I must say that I have stumbled across:

one of the most thoughtful and amusing pieces of music industry analysis I have come across in a very long time.

So I will. Erm, I did. There, I've said it.

Anyway, it was pretty exciting to see that someone else is out there saying many of the same things I have been harping on for the past 5-7 years! =)

soundtrack meme

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 04:20:24 GMT

1. Open your music library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting

Opening Credits: The Golden Age (Beck)

Waking Up: You Are Love (Frank Sinatra)

First Day of Work: Nothin' Like Tomorrow (Supreme Beings Of Leisure)

Falling In Love: We Are Alive (Paul Van Dyk)

Fight Song: Cujo Superstars Of Rock (Amon Tobin)

Breaking Up: Start (Clara Lofaro)

Prom: Happy Phantom (Tori Amos)

Life: Sleeping With The Television On (Billy Joel)

Mental Breakdown: Old Geppetto (Walt Disney Studio Orchestra - from Pinocchio)

Driving: Farewell... (Danny Elfman - from Edward Scissorhands)

Flashback: New Star In The Sky (Air)

Getting back together: Exaltation (Matisyahu)

Wedding: Both Sides Now (Joni Mitchell)

Birth of Child: Eyen (Plaid)

Final Battle: We Live For Love (Pat Benatar)

Death Scene: Crazy (Tori Amos)

Funeral Song: Hunting Bears (Radiohead)

End Credits: Duke Of Earl (Gene Chandler)

random music guessing game

Tue, 02 Jan 2007 19:36:38 GMT

1. Put your iPod (or in my case, iTunes) on random and hit play (whole collection).
2. Post the first lines of the first fifteen songs, no matter how embarrassing.
3. People will guess.
4. As they get them right, add the title and artist, and strike them out.

1. "And now the purple dusk of twilight time steals across the meadows of my heart..."

2. "I know you're out there somewhere..."

3. "Gotta tell you what I heard from Agent Orange, Mr. Suntan, Mr. Happy Man..."

4. "Can you feel it, steal it, hear it today, if you can't then it doesn't matter anyway..." Epic - Faith No More

5. "Delicate is your heart... if you move, it may stop..."

6. "I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray..." 1999 - Prince

7. "I miss you... I'm talking to you baby, I miss you..."

8. "Went from a dream to the young supremes..." [oh my gawd! wtf?!]

9. "I don't have a television that gets channels at home..." [this is not a song, more of a speech or comedy or spoken word type thing]

10. "La la laaa la la la, la la laaa la la la!"

11. "How you been feeling, it's not about marbles, sweets, and glue..."

12. "Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man..."

13. "This will be the day that you will hear me say that I will never run away..."

14. "Into the distance, river of black, stretched to the point of no turning back..."

15. "I sit around and watch the tube but nothin's on..." Longview - Green Day

So, yeah... I had to skip ahead several times due to instrumental tracks, but this was a weird mix nonetheless. Over 13,000 tracks to choose from but it wasn't a super diverse batch...

A tip I have about Cape May Cafe

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 00:22:10 GMT

It’s all about the clam bake dinner buffet… hopefully they still offer it! =)

See more progress on: Cape May Cafe

Ar-rou-ound the world, around the wor-rld...

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 00:33:51 GMT

While the pavilions of the Future World section have been in a state of (seemingly) almost constant transition since the ‘90s, World Showcase has remained remarkably unchanged – and it’s remarkably still entertaining. Perhaps it’s the ambience of each country “recreated” or, of course, there’s always the amazing restaurants… Whatever it is, I look forward to returning in May for a trip “around the world” at Epcot, probably my favorite Walt Disney World theme park. Maybe this time we’ll try to eat something in every country!

See more progress on: Visit all of the pavilions at Epcot

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 06:51:10 GMT

On the twelfth day of Christmas, wdwrccl sent to me...

Twelve mp3s thinking

Eleven stars traveling

Ten colors editing

Nine arts cuddling

Eight thesauruses a-romanticizing

Seven books a-talking

Six lyrics a-learning

Five art-ho-o-o-ouse films

Four visiting friends

Three foreign films

Two independent films

...and a livetronica in an absurdity.

Another reason to dump PayPal...

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 20:47:02 GMT

or at least not keep ANY money in your PayPal account...

why does PayPal suck?

Fri, 06 Oct 2006 20:08:45 GMT

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?"
-- Ernest Gaines

MSNBC agrees with ME?!

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 03:07:27 GMT

I guess I wasn't the only one with something to say regarding the government's involvement in 9/11...

Keith Olbermann of MSNBC had these powerful words to say (short video).

Get out of jail FREE

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 07:03:37 GMT

While I have great remorse for everyone who has died in the name of freedom or saving the lives of others, it is critical that everyone still living take the time now to find out what is really going on.

The only way to honor the lives lost and families destroyed is for each of us to search for, uncover, and expose the truth. This has always been and, now more than ever, is still the case in a supposedly free society. Your grief over what has happened does not obligate you to stop thinking, questioning, or refusing to tolerate injustice. In fact, it compels you to start doing those all of those things with the same ferocity with which others "demand" your agreement with war, regulations, and all other forms of human oppression.

"Do you support the troops? Well, here’s what they want:
An overwhelming majority of 72 percent of American troops in Iraq think
the U.S. should exit the country within the next year."
- Irving Wesley Hall
(This link from which the quote was taken explains just one of the many valid reasons why.)

If you want to know what has really been happening to our soldiers and the lives of everyone affected by America's involvement in Iraq, brace yourself and do some research... this country is not protecting anyone from nuclear war, it's starting it - and U.S. soldiers and civilians are the primary victims. Further info can be found here as well.

Please look into the current events (and as much history as you can stomach) with both your head and your heart: you will realize that war is "legalized" killing and profiteering, neither of which can ever be just.

The laws change daily behind our backs (and sometimes in plain site) to grant those in power more control and allow them access to infiltrate our every right and freedom, in the name of preserving them. Do you really want to relinquish your humanity to a government-controlled microchip? This is not fantasy - they have already been created and await the next horrific event which will scare people into thinking they need the government's protection. In fact, the only thing human beings need protection from is the driving forces behind our supposedly dutiful leaders.

The situation in America today is nothing new, it is the continuation of a "grand old" tradition. (This links to the words of retired U.S. Marine Corps Major General Smedley Darlington Butler, not some "conspiracy theory crackpot" - an experienced account from an insider with a life-long career in military service.)

"If Americans truly believe in the sanctity of human life, they should oppose war."
- Andrew Young (current perspective from the 2004 Powell Peace Award winner)

It is not too late to stop the military from bringing more innocent youth into this system. If you or someone you know has high school or college age children, please look into counter recruitment. (All of these links will help.)

If you or someone you love wants out of military involvement, even if already deployed, it is never too late. (Both links lead to info to help make an informed decision and carry it out.)

If you still believe foreign terrorists are responsible for the destructive events of 9/11/01, turn off the television for awhile and open your mind to the possibilities presented in this important video. (Come on, you can make time to watch a video!)

Finally, perhaps the most important thing you can do is give yourself and everyone around you permission to be authentic. This is not about being self-centered, living your dream at the expense of anyone else, or even just being as honest, crazy, or experimental as you can possibly be. It's about love being the antidote to fear - and finding ways to accept and appreciate yourself and others - as is, in every diverse combination there is - is the core essence of love.

If you step out of fear and focus on what positive contributions you enjoy making to the world (these can be small or large, reach just one person - a child, a lover or family member or friend - or many, it doesn't matter), then you can both express yourself as an individual as well as make a significant difference for others.

Even a smile to a stranger can spark a ripple effect.
If everyone changes their focus in this way,
it will be impossible to control or deceive people the way things are currently proceeding.

Maybe you have talents or personality attributes that are creative, helpful, inventive, clever, humorous, whatever... there is no need to be "perfect" - nor is there a need for others to be "perfect" in your eyes. I believe the old saying is, "Live and let live..." When we cease to be the sheepdogs of our own people, they - and we - cease to behave like and be viewed as sheep. If you disagree with someone and truly trust that what you believe to be or have learned is the truth, then also trust that each person will reach the truth at the right time on their own journey.

We are all connected, so your positive realizations and actions, however small,
will indeed spread to the rest of humanity over time.

You Jumpstarted my photo!

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 22:30:37 GMT

My photo won the contest! Thanks to all of you who voted for it!

Apparently, they are "just putting the finishing touches on the ad that will profile [the] photo in The Progressive this October!" I'll keep you posted on where to look out for it...

A tip I have about Joe's

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 06:24:30 GMT

You can get more bang for your buck at Joe’s on the waterfront in Boston by ordering several of their great appetizers (I’d venture to say that, like quite a few restaurants, the apps are better than the main dishes). Some of my faves include the fried mozzarella (a big slab of it floating in yummy marinara sauce, not those junky sticks so many places fake it with), the seared tuna with sticky rice cake (yum!), and if you like the raw bar, go for the dozen blue point oysters – very refreshing!

Obviously the view will only apply during daytime, but at night it’s a pretty stroll along the wharf as well and not a far walk from the North End, where you can grab some Italian decadence from the infamous Mike’s Pastry if you’ve (hopefully) saved space for dessert.

The room upstairs is ideal for larger group dinners or other special occasions… we had a lot of fun at my Berklee graduation dinner there when it turned out that Leslie’s bachelorette party was seated not far away. Luckily, nothing too crazy went on, but we did get a laugh out of the t-shirt they made highlighting the “Top 10 reasons to Party with Leslie Tonight.” Number 8? “She loves to Salsa with strangers!”

See more progress on: Joe's

Yummy Golden Dragon & Bubble Tea!

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 04:54:24 GMT

My sweetie and I discovered this busy little local eatery while waiting for the infamous hourly Fung Wah Bus to take us to Boston dirt cheap. We quickly learned that we could enjoy some tasty snacks dirt cheap as well at Golden Dragon, just a short walk down the cross street where the bus would pick us up. I had a yummy fried fish and cheese sandwich (on croissant, go figure), and he enjoyed a ham and cheese wrapped inside soft bread. I also tried what appeared to be a more authentic chinese treat: a fried shrimp dumpling… not your typical dumpling mind you, but some juicy shrimp and chicken in light sauce wrapped in very gooey white soft dough but fried crispy on the outside. Top that off with one of the myriad drinks such as bubble tea and you’ll be all set for a nice four hour bus ride too! I chose a mango milk drink with small clear tapicoa, but I have to say I prefer our recent discovery: passion fruit snow bubble tea (with the bigger, dark chewy boba pearls) from our local Lollicup.

Overall, it was a great little snack stopover in Chinatown!

See more progress on: Golden Dragon Boat Cafe & Bakery

The first time I went to The Laughing Goat

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 05:25:30 GMT

I had just moved to Colorado and was attending a production meeting for the Boulder International Fringe Festival a few doors down. I popped in to check out the piano since I’d just found out that all of us music acts were likely to be performing there during the Fringe.

As I plunked out a little melody, exclaiming aloud my joy at finding the piano in tune, a nearby couple seated at a table also on-stage asked what I was up to. I told them that I would be playing there for my first Colorado gig in August and I just had to test out the keys. They were very excited for me and took down my website.

Already I was smitten with Colorado, so I can’t say I was shocked at the supportiveness so untypical of my previous locale, but… it was just a really good feeling to have their encouragement.

I’m excited to go back and perform at the Goat on August 18th – won’t you join me?

See more progress on: The Laughing Goat

The last time I saw Regina Spektor

Sat, 27 May 2006 02:53:57 GMT

was on May 2nd at the Fox Theatre in Boulder. Regina puts on a great show and is not only an exceptionally talented singer/songwriter and pianist but a very witty, sweet, and approachable person as well. Now don’t you all go bombarding her along the tour and stress her out or anything, I’m just saying it was quite nice to meet and talk with her! ;-) If you’re debating about whether to see her perform in your town, DO NOT MISS HER!

Learn more about Regina Spektor

You happy couch.

Thu, 25 May 2006 04:08:07 GMT

Yesterday I got several copies of a piece of junk email with the subject "you happy" from someone mysterious named Salvador. It made me think of this infamous quote often said by my parents' really wonderful but not-so-English-speaking contractor (if anybody needs an awesome, really affordable contractor, let me know), which is regularly repeated by my dad:

"Your wife happy, you happy.
Wife no happy, YOU CRAZY!"

=)

Well, we are super happy, but we would be even happier if

a. we had a nice income coming in that did not come from the federal aid department, or at least did not have to be paid BACK to the federal aid department eventually,

and 2. our couch did not suck so badly.

The deal with the couch is that last month we decided that, since we could not commit to a major purchase on anything other than the Elusive Perfect Possibly Purple Couch, we would take the cheapie option: a "normal stony beige sofa" with a cushion that you can remove and replace with a chaise cushion, which is supported by a little ottoman thing. As couches go, taking the cheapie option turns out to be the worst thing you can do ever.

The couch looks fairly cute, but the cushion support (both under butt and behind back) is WONKY. For example, we sit on the couch for 10 minutes. It is ok. Not super comfy, but ok. We watch a movie on the couch. It is NOT ok. We each have 3-5 places on our bodies where something is bent, achy, stuck, twisted, or whatnot. We can't lay together longways on the couch because it 1. doesn't have a squishy enough side arm rest and b. we don't fit (weird, being that we fit on the littler couch before in the other apartment). When you lay on the "chaise" your feet hang off the end and no part of the chaise cushion is squishy. In strong contrast, when you sit next to the person on the chaise, that cushion not only squishes down, but starts to incline you forward leaving you dangerously close to sliding off onto the floor. Meanwhile, as if these are not enough complaints, the little couch "feet" do not stay straight (we solved this by no longer moving the couch around and aiming them straight one last time) and there are strings hanging off many cushions.

The bottom line is basically this: don't buy a couch from American Furniture Warehouse. You get what you pay for, and since everything there is built in China, it is built for Chinese-sized people - apparently they are littler there and require less butt support.

Oh, but wait! We cannot simply return the couch and go somewhere else to buy a new one with 12 month zero down no payment financing. Oh, no. The American Furniture Guy came to make sure we had not spilled anything on the couch or otherwise mutilated it before returning it. Turns out we get a credit which can only be used at their stores, and we'll have to pay another delivery fee for them to bring whatever we pick and cart the poor insufficient couch away. I hope we haven't given it a complex, I sorta feel bad for it.

Nonetheless, I think we are returning this couch. In the meantime, James has agreed to support my butt. I'll let him regale you with the next installment: The Purple Couch Chronicles...

Why they changed it, I can't say...

Wed, 24 May 2006 06:38:52 GMT

people just liked it better that waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

See more progress on: Not Constantinople

In every moment, we are invited to choose...

Sun, 21 May 2006 17:43:03 GMT

It has been said that through our dreams, we receive messages not just from our own unconscious knowledge, but from the collective unconscious of all humankind.

In the last month, I have had many dreams. Two of them have contained perhaps the most powerful, yet simple messages I have ever received. The first was a short dream with little going on, that ended with the phrase, "faith is love, that's all." I awoke remembering this phrase, realized it had nothing to do with religion at all, and thought how simple it was.

The latest dream from one morning several weeks ago was also simple, yet far more illustrative. I stood in front of a gas station late at night, my lover in front of me and another to my left. The one to my left held a revolver, and, looking for proof of the previous dream's assertion, wanted to shoot me - to see whether love would keep me alive. I thought this ridiculous but, for some reason, I stood there knowing I had to oblige.

My lover before me, though, thought differently. Rather than seek to witness the strength of love demonstrated by impossible measures, he pulled a strange-edged, long, smooth silver knife out from who-knows-where. His implication seemed to be that if the other were to fire into me and he to cut into me at the same time, the knife would either block the bullet from my heart and save my life, or, in the scuffle, one of the two weapons would end his instead.

I doubted aloud whether the not-sharp tip would even cut into me. Basically, I doubted whether he could truly wound me, where it was apparent that the other could easily kill me - and carelessly.

Disappointment will arise between all lovers, and yet relationships that are built on the simple truth of love can be clearly distinguished from those that center exclusively around hard lessons which must (often painfully) be learned. Belief is the element that is missing in the latter relationships, and perhaps it is what we're meant to acquire through those very lessons. Or perhaps there are simply very few who truly help us see what it is we are to believe in, however unique that may be for each person. (I guess the distinctiveness of each person would explain the rarity of finding such a partner in any event.) Either way, my dreams and my recent observations in life continue to point out that love does, in fact, heal. It also prevents many of those wounds we've heard about it healing in the famous quote...

It seems to me that "hurt" itself is a very different phenomenon in the context of what two people who believe in love - and in each other - have created together. Hurt is much more easily seen as an internal gut reaction than an intentional external cause of pain - and therefore more easily converted into useful understanding than left to fester into long-term doubt. In the nest of the lovers' belief in what they have created, or maybe even just stumbled upon, hurt is a temporary, transformative occurrence which only serves to remind them of what is important, what they truly do believe in. The entire process seems designed to eradicate fear... to the point where belief is so strong that your lover might pull a knife to save your life, or end his own before choosing to live without you - at least in your dreams, anyway. ;-)

The manufactured "fear culture" that has perpetuated our lives, our "society" if you will, is missing one thing and one thing alone: belief in love. Not belief that you will finally get laid again, not belief that you will have enough stuff, not belief that you will be seen as cool. Those are all simply fears disguised as urges. The campaign (if it is one), or the inadvertent decline of humanity (if it is not), does not create a culture of fear by injecting "fearful things" into our midst. It simply dredges up various situations which make us question our inherent belief in love - over and over again until we are nearly convinced that there is no such thing as real love, that we are incapable of loving and undeserving of being loved. Just as we generate situations like this when we are at our weakest in relationships, society generates these situations when people are, get this - not oppressed, but in fact, (wait for it...) DISENGAGED.

Yes, Gen Y-ers, it is when we all check out and spend more time distracting ourselves from life that the dull, indiscernible emptiness actually degenerates into fear. Nothing to be passionate about? Plugged into the matrix and out of your own evolution? Forget about what "religion" says about belief for a minute... the lack of belief we're building up is in life itself. The hole that we dig by not digging into life is our own internal grave for love, buried alive, silently screaming that what is happening here is the exact opposite of the point: love is all there is.

Love is what is there in the eyes of the "disfigured" child we are afraid to look at. Love is what is there in the silence between two people afraid to love each other and what drives them on to others when the words are never said, the embraces never trusted. Love is what is there behind the "dork" stumbling to speak to you in the elementary school lunchroom and what drives the "geek" to own every item ever created from [insert collectible fantasy series here]. Love, or the lack of it - but is it the geek's lack, or ours? Love may not seem to be there because we refuse to look into what does not seem appealing for what truly IS there... (later, when that nerd is a "hot" successful [insert "successful job title here], we know better, right? Hindsight is 20/20. ;-)

Now, are you ready for this? Love is what is there when someone who has been beaten beats their own child. This is horrifying to think of, and it doesn't make much sense, I know. But give it just another minute of your attention, of your compassion. The one who is doing the harm is reenacting the harm done, reliving and, unfortunately, passing on the original pain of being hurt. (There are some parents who will say they "discipline" their children physically because they love them and want them to grow up "right" - that's not what I'm saying here.) What I'm pointing out is that what appears to be evil is demonstration of what things look like WITHOUT love - that someone who inflicts harm on another is acting out of fear, out of a sort of warped love, seemingly ruined by abuse or neglect.

I've come to wonder if all that we think of as gross, or horrible, or wrong is simply something that was beautiful, or pure, or good TWISTED in some way so that it can no longer be believed in - so that it can no longer be seen with love. In the "ugly," the "appalling," the "incomprehensible," the "unlovable" - love may not seem to be there because it is buried beneath something we perceive as threatening.

Sometimes, though, we simply refuse to look for love at all. Rather than give a chance, help repair, or be part of the transformation of something (or someone) "damaged," the default is to turn away and try to pretend it doesn't exist - at least in our own little worlds.

Just as it is with our own personal "demons," that which we ignore will only come back to "haunt" us, and (to get back to my personal experience) never was that more apparent than recently when I got tangled up in the web of bad movie-watching I strive so hard to avoid: Silent Hill. I guess you can see some of the "horror" seeping into my writing, n'est-ce pas? ;-) Nonetheless, there was something interesting going on in this ~~film~~ wide-screen-video-game: survival wasn't something to be achieved by DOING anything. The way to survive was to endure the "horror" - the "fear" - brought up by whatever horrible figures or scenarios encountered until they simply faded away and you got your clue to the next step along the journey toward your "destiny." Hmm, sounds a lot like life, and, as The Human Adventure's own Fool would say, "like some of my relationships!"

Ok, ok, so they weren't that bad, but my point - and I do have one - is that the whole journey, the whole relationship thing, the whole love thing, the whole life thing - well, it seems to be about evolving past fear, experiencing joy without doubt... following your bliss.

At the heart of "fear" is love - cornered and tainted by lack of belief. Fear is driven by disbelief - the lack of the strength required to support, nourish, and fuel that love to fruition, to a life of manifested joy... basically, a lack of willingness to endure with the hope of transformation, a lack of willingness to be transformed.

One who believes in love neither tempts nor tests fate. Those who test fate fail the tests of love. Those who tempt fate are rewarded with failure. Thus, those who do not believe seal their own fate in demise and loss of love.

However, those who believe in love, however hard-earned, require no proof. Belief sustains love and thus becomes its own proof - as the continued manifestation of love is, in itself, the manifestation of living belief.

I'm out of words now, so I'll leave you with Joni's... I think they make the point far better than my rambling ever could:

"Tears and fears and feeling proud,
To say 'I love you' right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus clowns,
I've looked at life that way

Oh, but now, old friends - they're acting strange
And they shake their heads and they tell me that I've changed
Well, something's lost and something's gained
In living every day

Oh, I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose and still, somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all."

- Joni Mitchell

Power moves in the direction of hope
www.melissaaxel.com
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"If you were to define love, the only word big enough to engulf it all would be 'life.' Love is life in all its aspects. And if you miss love, you miss life. Please don’t."

-Leo Buscalia